Question: I am 35-year-old, married man. I got married when I was 32-year-old and it’s quite late as per the Indian standards. Now my problem is that my parents expect me to have a kid and I also feel the same. My wife who is 31-year-old doesn’t seem to be ready to start a family.
She feels it’s a huge responsibility and she is afraid to take up this responsibility. I feel the real problem is my wife is unsure of any new thing coming in her life. I have observed in these 3 years of our marriage. In fact during our marriage also she was not sure as to she really wants to get into this relationship or not. This is her behaviour in every case, whether it’s a new job or any big change in life.
At this age, I feel it’s high time that we should think about having a family. Financially we are quite stable and we can easily manage a family so there is will be no burden. But my wife does not seem to be interested in having a family. In fact, she becomes very angry even when somebody mentions about having a kid. I am quite nervous about how to plan a baby.
I don’t want to hurt her but somewhere I am quite disturbed and suffering from inside as I really want to have a family of my own. What should I do in this situation? – By Anonymous
Answer by Dr Awatramani: I understand that you want to have a child and start a family, and your wife does not seem to be ready for this responsibility.
As you mentioned your wife has always been nervous to make decisions in life and also unsure of any new things that come up, which means she takes a little time to make decisions and is not sure on how she would cope with the change or a new situation. She might also need time to prepare herself for the responsibilities.
You can speak to her and express your feelings of having a family and a child. Give her space to speak her anxieties and fears if she has any related to having a child as this is a big responsibility and a big change for a woman physically as well as emotionally.
I would suggest you speak to her first and give her little space and time to express her true feelings with you. This will also give you a clear understanding of what she wants and the reasons behind her decision. I understand that it’s very disturbing and a difficult situation for you but it is very important to understand what she wants and her concerns are.
You both can also consult a gynaecologist who can explain how to plan a baby and also visit a professional counsellor together. This will give you a better understanding on planning a baby.
– Ms Rachana Awatramani is a Counselling Psychologist in Mumbai
Times Of India